Outgunned

I am sitting here listening to THE DOWNEASTER ALEXA. God there are times when Billy joel does something amazing for me. But not often. But I think that this is one of those times.

I am tired of the people around me who tell me it is impossible for me to trust people. For me to allow a person from my past to have access to who I am now. I am tired of these voices of cynicism in my head. These voices of distrust, these voices of weakness, these voices of self protection. These voices do nothing for me. I dont have access to people from my past, because I hurt them or they hurt me. Or whatever. But the simple fact is that I like her. and she seems like she is being nice to me. But really, it so does not matter. Our speaking is really regimented, and there is no real chance for us to stray from this model. None whatsoever.

I gave my assisstant her Ipod today. It made me pretty pissed off because I was looking at the cds for my southern love, and I am mad that they got returned to me. Just bounced back for no reason. I dont know if I got her address wrong, or if because it is a box, it cant be left or WHATEVER. But this damn set of cds has been with me for too long.

So I think Salma moved in. That is so cool. She and Ed are going to be happy. Ed seems like a patient enough cat to ride out the rough spots with her. And god knows there are going to be rough spots, she is so passionate that it is scary. And when the anger goes bad, fuck if she is not a nightmare.

But the simple fact is this...she might be the sexiest woman I know in my life. I know that my buddy who plays guitar is obsessed with the social climbers ass, saying it is the best ass in town...but I dont think so. Not even close.

Salma is just amazing. Her face is really really pretty, and she has the drop eyes that are sexy as shit. Big lips, that just lead to blow job thoughts. And she talks about blow jobs too much for me to not think about it from time to time.

Her body is amazing too. So curvy and perfect. The boobs and the hips fit together so well.

I feel shitty talking about her like this, but I really am trying to exorcise these images. I just dont like thinking about her in a sexual manner, as I dont think it is appropriate for me to think of the woman Ed cares for in that manner.

So Chloe Sevigny gave an inappropriate gift last week. It was amazingly inappropriate and it made itself clear to me that she just does not have any sort of line in her breain that would indicate that she is not supposed to do this. And she gave it to a girl. I just thought to myself WHAT IF I HAD GIVEN THAT GIFT...the simple thing is that the boy and girl would break up, and I would get into a fist fight with the guy.

She is simply trying to break up my friend. She really is. I think she wants to wreck everything around her, so that everything is wrecked. Actually I dont know why she would want to wreck everything. But she talked badly about Val Kilmer when he was interested in a woman and she was interested in him, she told Elizabth Shue bad things about him. And they were things that she did not technically know, they were just things that she heard.

Is she homosexually in love with the girl? I dont know. I do not think that she is that evolved sexually. In fact I tend to imagine her to be frigid. I mean there have been lots of guys who would love to nail her, but I think she has rebuffed them all. I think she has no connection to her body.

WAIT

You know I look at her now, and she seems stunted. The big story, that is a stunting experience. Her nonsexual attitudes. her inability to maintain intimacy of any sort of intense nature. Her fear of confrontation.

Could she be 12? I think that makes sense to me. Either way, I dont have any ill will toward her, but if this crap goes on in someones relationship much longer, I am going to have an issue.

So my resignation from Wausau Area Events did not really take. The newspaper still called me today to talk about it. I am just a quote machine it appears. It is cool to do that sort of talking, because it is a neat level of intensity of before speaking. Focusing on the topic, and focusing on what I want to speak of.

Bite me.